I still remember the day you said: 'the river flowing through your head would take you far or leave you dead', and all you said was true.
I love rivers, rapids. Best time I ever had was in the river-rafting class, when we had to jump into the rapids of Kukkola to try out what we had learned about getting to the shore. I had a helmet and lifejacket on, and keept my body at the surface with my feet pointing downstream, and just followed the current. Like that old man in the daoistic story, I didn't fight the rapid I tried to 'be' it. I didn't use energy to swim against it, I trusted the river and it broght me to the shore.
I have grown up by the riverside, the Torne river. I don't feel right living away from an unbound river. The regulated tamed streams are not rivers. When I worked a summer at the museum Vollerim 6000 I lived by an heavily regulated river. I dreamt nightmares where the spirit of the river was crying for help, tortured and in pain and despair, and I blew the dams up in my dream. I didn't feel right there. Or here. You can take the girl out of Torne river but not Torne river out of the girl.