Wednesday, December 03, 2014

ancient sects

when I was studying at University, I lived in a student apartment with shared corridor, shower and kitchen. in another room lived a young Italian man, a classically trained musician, with whom I had deep discussions about music, mathematics and mysticism. I was studying the history of ideas. it was almost as if he couldn't help letting some things slip, but then he never answered follow-up questions. I wondered if he was just winding me up. but the things he could say wasn't stuff you just make up. and the light in his eyes was not, couldn't have been, acted. i had to act patient and hope that he would give up more information by himself, that he would reveal a little more.

later I read a novel by Patricia Duncker, The Strange Case of the Composer and his Judge, and I was reminded of our discussions. and my suspicions.
the novel is about the investigation of what everyone thinks is a suicide sect. the protagonist learns it is an ancient sect known as the Faith, and the members are highly placed in society. The chief government adviser on the environment and global warming in the Swiss department, scientists at the nuclear research station at Grenoble, the Director of Research in Astrophysics, such people. and it's not originally a suicide sect although members have started to commit suicide. and the protagonist will become a lot more personally involved than she would have ever suspected.

the novel made an impression on me. it touched on a subject I've discussed with someone who used to be a fellow student. so when she committed suicide this fall, I thought of the novel again. I felt guilty, because of our past discussions, and also because of a blog post I wrote just a month or so before she did it, that was on the same subject. but I'm also comforted. I know we share the same beliefs about death. the same beliefs that the members of the Faith had in the novel by Duncker. I'm not saying I'll commit suicide, or even that I want to. I'm just saying I do not fear Death. not all who choose to die are running from something. some of them are running to something.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

into the wild

today we went ice-skating for the first time this season. finally! how I have anticipated this!
others had been there and hacked with peaks in the ice to see if it was thick enough. we were also trying it at sunday, but then decided to wait just a couple of days more. we were the first ones to skate on the lake Athulen this season, the ice was just about thick enough. about cirka 50 mm thick now in general, thinner by the shore. it looked like glass, and the lake looked black and deep underneath it. we almost didn't dare to skate today, luckily we were not scared off by the ice breaking under our skates by the shore, but ventured farther out on the lake.

the sun was setting (ca 14:30) and the waxing moon was rising. the sky was purple, pink and orange in the west, colors and light that was mirrored in the lake ice. the Ice surface was partially obscured by a thin powder of snowflakes, otherwise it would have been like a big mirror, I've skated on lakes like that before. the ice resounded with our strides, making a kind of musical sound. sometimes cracking noises. I also felt like I had a singing in my body, as if me and the lake and the forest around it, even the sky, was singing together in a mystical way. 

I was smiling, laughing, my eyes were tearing up, and I was crying out loud with joy and excitement. I don't know what to compare it to, maybe when one kisses ones loved one for the first time. it's similar because of the feeling of risk involved. this is possibly lethal, the ice sheet is thinner at places but it's hard to tell where.  It was possible to skate all over the lake, as we discovered, but there is always a risk. that's what makes it all the better! 
It's such a simple and inexpensive, childish pleasure but it's one of my favorite sports in wintertime. (if not THE favorite one, now when skeleton cancer has ruined snowboarding for me, according to the doctor, forever.)

now I just come to think about something that I take for granted and you maybe don't know. in Sweden there is something called allemansratten. 'all men's/peoples right'. it means that i can go skate on whatever lake I want to, i don't even need to ask, or even know who owns it. i, and everyone, can pick berries in all the forests we like. we can not destroy anything or take anything that doesn't renew itself. I can put up a tent and camp out for the night. and so on. certain plants are protected because they are rare, and one shouldn't litter, etc. it is my belief that allemansratten should be a world-wide thing. when I visit other places where all wilderness is fenced in, owned and forbidden to go into, I feel so restricted, it's like I'm suffocating.

skating on the lake ice doesn't use up any recourses, it doesn't take anything away from anyone, it doesn't involve any high tech; just a couple of pieces of metal one straps to ones sturdy hiking shoes. of course it wouldn't be possible for many people to do it at once, we couldn't even skate close to each other on this thin fresh ice without bursting, and it was just the two of us. in a similar way, it doesn't matter how simple lives we all lead, if we are too many we break the ecology non the less. it's not just us humans the recourses are for. it's all the other beings too.

what I want to say is;
THIS is living, this is truth, pure, not corrupted and false. 
so when so many people are using up precious recourses for joyless luxuries to entertain themselves, I would like to encourage people to rediscover other simpler, truer joys in life. this is one of my answers to how we will preserve the recourses, the minoan way. the minoans enjoyed nature, adventure and sports. 

Saturday, November 29, 2014

the Day of the Triforce

this is the 333:d day of the year, and Triforce Day in the Geeky Green Coven, as well as our founding day.
this day we honor Din, Farore and Nayru in creative ways. I suggest three bowls on the altar, why not triangle shaped, filled with fire, incense & water. the tree colors of red, green and blue could be used, and one could listen to the Sacred Songs from Skyward Sword. cosplay of the golden goddesses is also a nice idea. of course one could just play Zelda games.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

SPOILER: I die at the end.

Finally it's here! I won a contest at the Steampunkfestival in Gefle this summer. I was going to die in a manner of my own choosing in a short story written by two of the finest Sci-Fi short story writers in Sweden. I feel so spoiled!

Tröst för ett knytt: "Att dö väl", en SF-novell där döden är en säker u...:

Askleipos & Hygieia

I've blogged about the Asclepius staff before, but in Swedish. I'm not going to do it over again, especially not when I can link you to a blog that does it so much better than I could; 'The medical emblem' on The Spirit of Medicine by Dr. Mark Naim.

                                                   The pentagram of Hygieia

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Apple seed

the Goddess's tree of wisdom was guarded by a dragon, but the dragon was defeated, badly hurt & trapped. worms came into the apples and corrupted them. but they could not corrupt the core of the apples, the seeds in the star-shaped middle. and the seeds gave life to more and more & more trees, they spread all over the lands. so did the worms. but one day they say the dragon will be strong again.

until that time is here I will follow my star, Stella.

Thursday, October 23, 2014


new blog post on Stella's blog, Ancient Societies! Protean. so as a Minoan Truth seeker, a SeaKing, I blog about the God that inspired the word 'protean'.

protos means first, as in primordial. Proteus was possibly first called Poroteu in Myceanean greek language. my reflection is that many myths about the creation of the world begins with a sea or body of water. and there's some truth to it. Life began in the water, after all. 

Proteus is a prophetic sea god that can change his shape at will. he's a herder of Poseidons seals. Homer called him "the old man of the sea". even if he is able to fortell the future, he is unwilling to, but he never lies. one has to hunt him and he will change shapes to get away. even other Gods had to hunt him to get the truth.

…that reminds me of an old children's tale I've heard about catching a fish who can speak, and says he is the king of the fish. if one will release him, one gets a wish fulfilled. but the wish always makes the wishing party dissatisfied in the end. kind of like how some peoples lives are destroyed when they win the lottery?

to be protean is to be changeable, mutable, versatile, to have flexibility and adaptability. 
...personally I take away from it that I should not share my prophecies about the future just yet. And that the Truth might have taken different shapes throughout history. Just like how the myth of the God Proteus became a children's tale about the King of the fish. And Proteus inspires stories still:
The alien character of Prot in the book trilogy by Gene Brewer and played by Kevin Spacey in the movie K-PAX, like Proteus was said to embody, was a modernized "shape shifter" and magical type of advanced mystical ET who "walked in" to humanoid bodies, and shared wisdom and insights into the human condition.
I like it! I've actually read the book aswell seen the movie twice. But in Harry Potter, the complex spell Protean Charm is used by Voldemort to communicate with his Death Eaters.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

pets, or ants?

Children are innocent
A teenager's fucked up in the head
Adults are even more fucked up
And elderlies are like children
Will there be another race
To come along and take over for us?
Maybe Martians could do
Better than we've done

We'll make great pets, we'll make great pets
We'll make great pets, we'll make great pets
We'll make great pets, we'll make great pets
We'll make great pets, we'll make great pets
My friend says we're like the dinosaurs
Only we are doing ourselves in
Much faster than they
Ever did
'Pets' Porno for Pyros
It's an unknown fact to you 
Why humans look the way they do 
And not like the cavemen you once were 

Ages ago we came to Earth 
Carried out our holy mission 
Developing you to something new 
Space seed, new breed 
We improve the human race with our space seed 

Space seed, new breed 
We will help the human race with our space seed 
We are the guardians of the galaxy 
Preserving life and its mystery 
We are behind what your scientists call "The Missing Link" 

Now you can be sure there are E.T:s out there 
The thing we've done to you we've been doing everywhere 
And we'll do it again and again and again 
Space seed, new breed 
We improve the human race with our space seed 

Space seed, new breed 
We will help the human race with our space seed 
Now you are misusing your inheritance 
You'd better start to behave; there won't be a second chance 
But do it now before it gets too late 
Or disintegration will be your fate 
Space seed, new breed 
We improve the human race with our space seed 

Space seed, new breed 
We will help the human race with our space seed

'Space Seed' S.P.O.C.K. 

special snowflake

there are no one special snowflake. they are all special and unique. 
I was feeling tired and cold inside, so I drew a hot bath. lying in the bath tub, perfectly still, I imagined I was a clone in a pod. only my heartbeat made the water surface move ever so slightly. I imagined I was one clone of ten in total. identical. it's something about it that disturbs me. what offends me with clones; they're no snowflakes. it cheapens life, in some way, or what do you think?

when you love someone that person isn't interchangeable. I'm painfully aware. I have this fear about the ones I love. that they are mortal, they can die. they do die. they die in garage explosions, from single car accidents, they die from suicide. they die from old age and sickness. or they just disappear. it hurts, it makes one not want to risk loving anybody again. even when they are gone, the love for them doesn't go away. (it's supposed to get easier with time, but is that true?) but a clone isn't special. who'd love a clone?

the beauty of snowflakes are it's diversity. the beauty in human culture is it's diversity. but humanity isn't as harmless or beneficial as snow. I'm a member of VHEMT, Voluntary Human Extinction MovemenT. I understand that from a non antropocentric view, this world would benefit from humanity joining the dinosaurs. sometimes in my most misanthrope mood, I think not even the diversity of human cultures is beautiful at all. would an alien think it was? and is there really any real diversity, or is it all just the same shit in different boxes?

most people don't live, they exist, that is all. they're meat robots, muggle zombies, clones. born as originals, they die as copies. what is so beautiful or special about that? I know, I know, what is the use of such thoughts? what can I do about it anyway? ...& who am I to talk, as if I was any better myself? OH well done, started out writing about the specialness and sacredness of life and ended up at the opposing viewpoint in a few bloody sentences. I give up on myself!

Monday, October 20, 2014


att klona människor är möjligt, men förbjudet. är det verkligen någon som på allvar tror att det inte, trots förbud, pågår försök just nu? jag har via säkra källor fått tillgång till uppgifter om att sådana experiment pågår!

vill ni veta vilket företag det gäller så kolla igenom mina retweets på twitter, och hitta ett om genetiska tester som innehåller ett företagsnamn som betyder 'identiskt liv'. det känns lite läskigt att skriva om detta så jag skriver inte ut företagsnamnet och bloggar om det på svenska. jag tror knappast att företaget blir överlyckliga över att detta läckt ut.

denna teckning gjordes av en person som varit inne i lokalerna där klonerna finns, men inte hade möjlighet att fotografera eller filma. istället gjorde personen en skiss efteråt. 

står skrivet på bilden: "LED? glödande ljus. ögonen stängda. sover? koma? verkar bekant, möjligen en anställd? glastub. alkai-aluminosilicat? 645 - någon slags ID? produkt #?"
det som står skrivet under bilden är: "jag såg 10 pods med 10 identiska människor i idag. försökte skriva ned allting jag kom ihåg."

Sunday, October 19, 2014

minoan snake goddesses

there has been much ado about the minoan snake goddesses. there has been great exaggerations and even forged 'findings', painting a warped picture of ancient minoans. the figurines of bare breasted women with snakes in their hands were not many in comparison to other cult objects, and probably not as important as they have been made out to be.

for me, that almost just makes it better though. it means that it wasn't mainstream and everyday in minoan culture, it might have been a secluded, a bit mysterious cult. I'm not identifying as a goddess worshipper. not anymore, anyway. to emphasis either of the sexes over the other only creates an imbalance that is bad for both. but nonetheless I'm a little happy when I see evidence of goddess worship today. only because I'm glad they the sacred feminine isn't altogether forgotten or overshadowed.

when I look at the minoan figurines, the first thing I come to think about is vodun priestesses dancing with snakes, worshipping Mami Wata. I wonder which direction the inspiration went, from Crete to Africa or the other way around? and I come to think about the snake witch stone from Gotland, Sweden. is this more evidence of the connection between Scandinavia and the Mediterranian?

listen silent

I'm fascinated by snakes. they are plentiful around the cottage. and I often swim in the company of watersnakes in the lake. people in antiquity were also fascinated. I guess it isn't so strange; they are so alien to us. silent, without any limbs, they seem mysterious. their bodies are so sleek, it makes their eyes seem prominent. and some of them are dangerous.

snakes are silent, but they have a language; body language. in a way they are like letters, silent but communicating visually. so they have come to symbolize wisdom & secret knowledge that only those who knows how to interpret the signs can access. also snakes were believed to be connected to the underground and the dead. letters can also be our connection to the now dead people who once wrote them.

silent people make other people uncomfortable. because the silent are listening. (silent and listen are two words that are made up from the same letters in english language. I find that neat.) to learn, one has to be silent and listen. also when you are silent, people think you have something to hide. when paganism was banned, pagans were silenced and forced to go underground, so to speak. to communicate only with secret signs.

so that is how & why snakes and paganism is connected, and why snakes went from being revered, to being despised and feared. the snake is a misunderstood, mythologized & demonized being. I wish I could say that there were not any reason for pagans to be afraid and to hide anymore. but sadly the hate and suspicion against old religion is brewing strong as ever. 

lab rat & thought criminal

sooooo, I was out gardening just now and that often helps my thinking. suddenly I felt like I saw the bigger picture. 
wtf am I running mazes for Stella for? (am I a white mouse from The Hitchikess Guide to the Galaxy, trying to analyze the researchers from the experiments they make?) why I am trying to prove I'm worthy and trustworthy, instead of questioning if SHE's worthy or trustworthy? 

all the talk about the assassination of Ceasar got me thinking; yes it seems like an asshole move to make coins with daggers on them to commemorate an assassination, like Brutus did. but it doesn't take away from the fact that Ceasar really had it coming to him. we shouldn't be afraid to oppose tyrants. even if they are our own. (and I interpret history as I myself see fit, thank you. brand me an thought criminal.)

the only one openly questioning Stella is coming off as a tin-foil hat, kinda ruining it for every one else that could have doubts. with friends like that… one needs no enemies. so often when there is something  questionable going on, these tinfoilhats appear, and make all dissident appear ridiculous. are they unaware that they are hurting the cause they claim to want to support? or are they really payed to make dissidents look bad? 

I have a bad feeling about this. what's the point of dividing us into groups? choosing leaders? what is going on? Stella first pushes the idea of the bloodlines having different abilities and personalities in the blogposts about the bloodlines, but then when she asks us to choose she says something that makes more sense to me: 
One very important thing to keep in mind:  we are talking about the philosophies of civilizations on a grand scale.  This should not be mistaken as painting everyone in those societies as identical, or perfect avatars of those philosophies.  These are tendencies, not prescriptions.
People are people. There were patient Olmec, kindly Donghu and arrogant Cahokian. No civilization is monolithic. So choose a line that expresses your truth, the truth of how you see yourself. This truth transcends race, gender, national origin, or any of the other categories that falsely divide us from each other.

...I don't know what to think at this point. I just know I have to keep thinking for myself. so I don't get puzzled and blinded.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

one part of the anatomy

women of the internets, you all know of what I speak in this post. 

so this is about what was going through my mind after I watched the last episode of Vikings. there was a scene where Ragnar asks advice of the seer about the two women he wants, but doesn't want to choose between. the seer tells him the story of how the giantess Skadi had her pick among the Asir and Vanir men, but had to choose by only seeing their feet. Ragnar asks by what he should choose woman, and gets a strange answer like by their entrails and everything inside them. but then tells Ragnar he is a fool if he thinks the choice is his to make. 

so that made me think of how sometimes some guys of the internet, of whom one knows nothing (not name or face), out of the blue sends one a picture of a certain part of their anatomy. I think every woman (or person claiming to be a woman) that has spent any time on the internet has had this happen to them at least once. 

I have a request;
the first part is simple; just don't. it's not sexy, it's creepy. it also has a kind of comic effect, you know. (how can you not get that?! you really do know nothing, some of you…)

the second part may astound you; 
...IF you are adamant on sending a picture of one part of your anatomy to me, please send a picture of your hands and underarms. if they are attractive. and especially if their tattooed with snakes or dragons coiled around them. I have a thing for that. if I, like Skadi, had to choose a mate from only seeing one part of a man it'd be the part I'd rather choose from. Different women probably have other preferences; maybe you should ask first before you send any pictures at all. (my thing probably has something to do with me reading The Mists of Avalon when I was thirteen. it's kinda like some guys have a thing for Leia in the slave costume.)

an old painting of mine depicting a modern man who meets his ancestor, who has snake tattoos. the snake tattoo symbolically kills the mans slave-tie. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

of Minoan bloodline

recently I was told I'm of Minoan bloodline. I remembered from archeology classes that there's a theory that a group of people from the mediterranean came to the south parts of scandinavia during the bronze age. looking at metalwork, and pictograms on rock, they seemed too similar to just have happened at these two places at the same time by chance. 

I've also heard about genetic studies that show that the Berbers of north of Africa and the Saami of Scandinavia to have a common ancestry roughly 9000 years ago. the Sea Saami were skilled boatbuilders and even built ships for Vikings. I've heard a geneticist speculate that this people the Saami and Berbers come from, took the route by the British isles and were the ones living there when the Celts first arrived. the ones called the Fomorians. 

so I was thinking, it's not at all impossible that Minoan is the bloodline I belong to. people have moved around all over the globe way back in history, and the Minoans were more mobile than most. at this time there were few roads (the Romans had not built them yet) and as Thor Heyerdahl have showed with his daring expeditions, the waterways were the routs to travel. rivers and seas.

then I found an article about the genetic heritage of the minoans and apparently they came from Anatolia about 9000 y.a. the cultural influences from North Africa were due to inspiration. maybe there is no connection between berbers and minoans. ah well, it was a theory. it illustrates that peoples have moved around a lot. my Minoan link can be from the other part of my heritage, not the Saami one. maybe the Vallons?

who knows, and what does it matter - I know now I am Minoan. 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

In the shadows

The Old Norse name Skaði, along with Sca(n)dinavia and Skáney, may be related to Gothic skadus, Old English sceadu, Old Saxon scado, and Old High German scato (meaning "shadow")

We have a name for the cottage; Trennenior. It's black as silver, you see. ;)
I hope you all understand why I'm working at the cottage, to prepare for living off the grid if we need to in the future. Since we didn't have much money we bought a real fixer upper and it is eating up all the collective's spare time. We all have to work jobs, too, to make ends meet with all the new material costs for the building and repairs.

Fixing all the roofs was first priority. We are learning how to build and repair! Right now we're building a sauna. I'm tending to the garden, it's trees, flowers, herbs, and planning for growing food aswell as medicine there. It's so beautiful! There is a great Birch tree, several hundered years old here, aswell as old big Firs and Rowans and some smaller trees too, like water witching hazel. I have introduced several different kind of roses.

Don't go thinking I have stopped caring. I'm not just creating a Candide's garden away from the world where we can enjoy 'throw pillows and perfectly crunchy salad'. I'm aware of what is happening out there and when I once again see light on the path before us I will take the steps required but until then, I will take the daoist course of action and wait in the shadow (yin), but prepared and ready; always.

Photo taken this summer. The backyard: the woodshop, garden shed & raised vegetable beds.

The Nuremberg code

The ethical obligations to protect the best interest of subjects in clinical procedures are defined by the Nuremberg code. The human experimental subjects are to be protected from injury, disability or death. Its main principle is the necessity to obtain voluntary informed consent from the patient.


in my belief system there is not just Life & Death. there are four different states:

Alive Alive
Dead Alive
Alive Dead
Dead Dead

some of ones ancestors are in Alive Dead state. they guide and challenge the living. only the ones that were wise and Alive Alive get to be Alive Dead. the others perish in Dead Death. all the gifts they bestow one must be ready to give up at any time, even life itself. it's often the sole purpose of any happiness they grant, it's only given to test one on how gracefully one can give it up again. never to let FEAR overpower LOVE is the lesson they teach over and over again. but if one fails, if ones ancestors loose interest in one, one is without protection and guidance. prone and vulnerable to disease, curses, to become a useless, pointless and harmful person, Dead Alive. it's better to be Dead Dead. then at least one is One with Hela.

might seem weird & cruel to some. but do you think it hurts more to think about traumatic things that happened in terms of ancestors trying (or possible torturing) one for a reason (maybe their enjoyment) or random things just randomly going to pieces for no reason at all? don't you wish you were part of something epic, world-changing? I don't know, maybe I've read too many comic books or something and have become a modern day Don Quiote. but what does it matter, if it's true that nothing really has any meaning? then I can just as well go on believing as my saami ancestors did. in the ancestors, in different states of being, in different planes of existence, in gods or godlike creatures. in the sacredness of Nature.

puzzled & blinded

"One should never stare straight into the sun, one could be blinded"
"Every child knows that…" (why are you telling me this, we're indoors, & it's night?)

...I used to long for him to tell me how he felt about me, to explain why he was like he was to me. but when he did in his roundabout way, I never got it. he told me these seemingly random things that made me frustrated. it seemed to me he was always building these walls of words that he hid behind. that the words created distance. he himself was the sphinx he said I was. at another time he said I was like something one only sees in the corner of ones eye, but when one turned ones head to see it straight on, it was gone and one would wonder if it really was there at all. and at another time when I built up the courage to ask him what I was to him, he said I was a 'mirage' to him. 

only just today I got it. about the sun. why didn't I understand what he really meant at the time? because I could never have imagined that he thought that I was like the sun to him. It wasn't that kind of a relationship. I sensed that I meant something more to him besides convenience. but he would never admit it. just once did he tell me that he loved me, in those words, but later he pretended he hadn't, like as if I had imagined it or heard him wrong. (I was also told by someone else that it doesn't 'count' if spoken i that situation.) so I hid how I felt. even if I thought it must be evident, I tried to camouflage it.

but if he had told me in plain words, would that really have helped the situation any? no, I'd just call him a liar. I love riddles and metaphors. I sometimes figure out the ones most others cannot, due to my slightly unconventional thinking. but it is the same for me as for anyone else; we cannot see what we can't accept. cannot find what we don't expect. and our expectations of the world shapes it, our expectations on life shapes it. the only love story that made any sense to me as a child was H.C. Andersens The Little Mermaid. it ends differently than Disney's version (but Disney has changed it's tune nowadays. 'true love's kiss'? Maleficent & Frozen changed the message from Disney, not too soon).

it was solid advice he gave, thought. about the sun, even if it wasn't really about the sun. now when I get it, i try to apply it in my own life. I even found it in an article about how 'people like us' are in relationships:
  • Adopt the distraction strategy: As an avoidant it is easier to get close to your partner when you are focused on other things, incorporate an activity that will allow you to let your guard down.
...this is was what was going through my mind after I watched a vlog by Stella
she asked us to face our trauma. I wondered if I can, or if I just prefer to not to think about them. avoid anything that reminds me of them, at all. 
she's right, we are shaped by our traumas and they can sometimes make us block out the truth. but they are also experiences that at other times can help us discover patterns. but for them to become useful one must work through them. examine the wreckage, determine what really went down, take the power back from the ghosts of the past. one can't do that if they still hurt too much to think about. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

mad scientist II

neurobiologist Amy Bishop was working on a neural computor, the Neuristor, using living neurons from stem cells, among other things. it's a mystery what made her flip and shoot her collegues. sometimes there are mad scientists in real life?
or she was mind-controlled?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

if you tolerate this

the future teaches you to be alone
the present to be afraid and cold