Sunday, October 19, 2014

lab rat & thought criminal

sooooo, I was out gardening just now and that often helps my thinking. suddenly I felt like I saw the bigger picture. 
wtf am I running mazes for Stella for? (am I a white mouse from The Hitchikess Guide to the Galaxy, trying to analyze the researchers from the experiments they make?) why I am trying to prove I'm worthy and trustworthy, instead of questioning if SHE's worthy or trustworthy? 

all the talk about the assassination of Ceasar got me thinking; yes it seems like an asshole move to make coins with daggers on them to commemorate an assassination, like Brutus did. but it doesn't take away from the fact that Ceasar really had it coming to him. we shouldn't be afraid to oppose tyrants. even if they are our own. (and I interpret history as I myself see fit, thank you. brand me an thought criminal.)

the only one openly questioning Stella is coming off as a tin-foil hat, kinda ruining it for every one else that could have doubts. with friends like that… one needs no enemies. so often when there is something  questionable going on, these tinfoilhats appear, and make all dissident appear ridiculous. are they unaware that they are hurting the cause they claim to want to support? or are they really payed to make dissidents look bad? 

I have a bad feeling about this. what's the point of dividing us into groups? choosing leaders? what is going on? Stella first pushes the idea of the bloodlines having different abilities and personalities in the blogposts about the bloodlines, but then when she asks us to choose she says something that makes more sense to me: 
One very important thing to keep in mind:  we are talking about the philosophies of civilizations on a grand scale.  This should not be mistaken as painting everyone in those societies as identical, or perfect avatars of those philosophies.  These are tendencies, not prescriptions.
People are people. There were patient Olmec, kindly Donghu and arrogant Cahokian. No civilization is monolithic. So choose a line that expresses your truth, the truth of how you see yourself. This truth transcends race, gender, national origin, or any of the other categories that falsely divide us from each other.

...I don't know what to think at this point. I just know I have to keep thinking for myself. so I don't get puzzled and blinded.

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