Homesick for the river.

The ways people use surgery to alter their bodies, is not what I would choose. Sure I care if people think I look good or not but It's not my dream to be beautiful. I would wish to enhance myself not for looks but for practicality. I want fur. Not a fur coat from butchered animals, but my own fur growing from my skin. Fur like that of an otter, all over, the face too. That would protect me against the cold, water proof fur. And claws, a cute black nose and whiskers, a tail and all. I would spend all my time in the wilderness, half of it in the water.

I still remember the day you said: 'the river flowing through your head would take you far or leave you dead', and all you said was true.

I love rivers, rapids. Best time I ever had was in the river-rafting class, when we had to jump into the rapids of Kukkola to try out what we had learned about getting to the shore. I had a helmet and lifejacket on, and keept my body at the surface with my feet pointing downstream, and just followed the current. Like that old man in the daoistic story, I didn't fight the rapid I tried to 'be' it. I didn't use energy to swim against it, I trusted the river and it broght me to the shore.

I have grown up by the riverside, the Torne river. I don't feel right living away from an unbound river. The regulated tamed streams are not rivers. When I worked a summer at the museum Vollerim 6000 I lived by an heavily regulated river. I dreamt nightmares where the spirit of the river was crying for help, tortured and in pain and despair, and I blew the dams up in my dream. I didn't feel right there. Or here. You can take the girl out of Torne river but not Torne river out of the girl.