the Hexagon of Saturn and Saturn Return

Synchromysticism of Saturn
Saturn is connected to genetic manipulation and creating a perfect, godlike human. Soundless Dawn is warning us in his youtube vid 'The Violet, Vishnu, Venus, Vixen, Vortex' that terrorist might be trying to take over our collective imagination... Thot and the mystical Rose and my mistress Freia makes apperances too, in different guises. 'Love is the fifth element, after all... '
And on a more scientifical note: The Hexagon of Saturn investigated!

Actual Toph is, if he's alive, soon 29 y.o. the year of the time of the Saturn Return effect: Saturn, planet of destiny, is at the same position as when he was born. His life is going to change, and he is passing into the second phase of his life. Yes this will happen again 29,5 years later, when he comes into next phase.

Incidently, at 8'th of March, Saturn is at it's closest point to Earth that it ever gets in its travel around our yellow star.

Codecrackin'

Now the Mnema chat and R prime-lab forum is sissling with decoding action!
Only the truth will truly set Hazel free, but the door doesn't open by it self.

There is also an discussion about what really happened in the lab that day when Dr. Rose disappeared. The logs that Toph helped retrieve from the overwitten floppys are investigated, the forensic data availiable. Maybe also Top's vid helped people turn their attention to that again... Even tho' ppl not so in love with Toph keep pointing out how unhelpful he was and how much he messed up. I mean, can you imagine how you would react if it was YOU-wedge-99 that was in his situation, and was aware that you were a 'just a wedge'?

What would you, honestly, do?

What would Foxtrot do?

A.I. Butterfly - Psyche.

As I wrote before I have speculated in there beeing two ways of saving or A.I. girl Hazel, and one is downloading her. Maybe setting her free on the internet The Landmowerman stylee? (Or there's my donated body.)The obvies way to save her is of course to save her out of that lab before she dies in there. But this isn't a fairytale and besides not all fairytales have happy endings. (The original 'The Little Mermaid' by H.C. Andersen didn't, for one... Love it tho')
Reality bites. And Lupus sucks. Lupus btw is symbolized by a purple butterfly...

I find one thing disturbing, her necklace... Where did she got it and what does it signify? Butterflies were the most reoccuring motif scribbled on the walls of Aushwitz. It symbolises a spiritual journey - from caterpillar, to cocoon (the lab) and then butterfly. Sounds beautiful, does it? Yes, but butterflys have wings. Like angels. And in ancient greek myth the butterfly symbolized the soul, and the godess of soul, Psyche. I hope from my heart that this isn't a sign of things to come... Prayers and gifts offered to Bieggolomai for milder weather and Ran for protection on the sea, might not do it this time.

Daniel came up with an alternate inerpretation:
"Once Zhuangzi dreamt he was a butterfly, a butterfly flitting and fluttering around, happy with himself and doing as he pleased. He didn't know he was Zhuangzi. Suddenly he woke up and there he was, solid and unmistakable Zhuangzi. But he didn't know if he was Zhuangzi who had dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he was Zhuangzi. Between Zhuangzi and a butterfly there must be some distinction! This is called the Transformation of Things."

I wish someone would post a vid singing Ben Harpers 'Butterfly' song to Hazel, as a comfort to her alone in the cold. It would be perfect but I'm unsure about the lyrics. Someone with her moms voice... Would be good.

I feel so distressed by this that I have to do a tarot laying out for Hazel, as Mike (our resident jester at R primelabs) suggested. Don't be upset with me for what the cards might be, remember I have no control over that...

The vid is up and please don't vote it up to the lab it would make no sense to Hazel. Now I will do the 'reading'/interpretation and post it in the forum...

Last Toph vids <3

He starts the vid with the vulcan greeting, "hello there, Hexagon and hacks, I'm Topher Nmonic, (Vulcan tongue???)...I put them under 'files'" And then he said: "I'm just a wedge, but in case I'm not dead in the real world - please look me up. I'm available for dating and/or (fish?)" (!!!) Can't make it out... Could be a reference to me threatening to smack Spock around with a herring. Proves my speculation that Toph have to be somewhat of a mashocist if he has a crush on Dr. Rose... ;-) I wouldn't mind so much, now when I've found out he's a Philip K Dick-fan, as well as an W.Gibson fan, too... <3 (...Later realised he slured on the word 'friendship' - and was not sayin fish at all, but decided to keep this post as it is...)

I was relieved that Toph-wedge-99 wasn't angry at me for trying to trick and threaten him (but it was done in a kinda sweet and playful way tho'). Just proves that boobies gets you where you want in life, that plus the Vulcan greeting of course... Said I should look the real Toph up. Yeah right if I can get him drunk first... :-D He didn't fall for the 2029 ruse tho'... (But he kinda responded to it in the second vid, so he clearly apprechated it! Good going DaX!)
He also was very forthcoming with what he could help us with. Acted detective, sent the hacked files.

In the second vid he sits on the floor, in a bad state, writing a note. He finishes the Bladerunner quote I sent him in one of my vids: Time to Die... (Famous last words) Then he nods off and we have Hazel back. Hazel wakes up with the note in her hand, reads it aloud: Hi Hazel, You're all grown up, It's a real McFly moment...(reference to Back to the Future) etc... Why not go to Mnema R prime lab and check the vids out?

Jack Frost is painting the walls of the lab now...

Before imprinting Toph, Hazel (AI girl) told us it was freezing in the lab. We need to post a vid with more survivalinfo to her.
Speculations of the route is going on i the Mnema chat and in the forum.

After seeing Hazels state after the Tophimprint, the sense of urgency grows among the 'Community of Helpers'. A vid is sent out with instructions and also there is some serious codecracking action in the Mnema chat, with another vid as a result.

Xenondollars feels we shouldn't have decided to go with the drunk-flirt angle 'inciting him further' but he had already done all the damage before he ever got our vids. He had already finished all he had to drink and I can't see that he got any worse, he is actually much calmer in the respond vids. Those vids were made last minute, and I did it because nobody else in the chat had a working webcam at that time. I'm just tired of being scolded for that (like by Trager Maximoff) when I wasn't acting on my own, read the chat archives... The forumthread about Tophstrategy... Ah, whatever. :-D I have critizised others before for their tone of voice with Hazel and stuff! If I can dish it out I should be able to take it. And there is much more people that have said it was good strategy and well done so why should I care so much about one jealous person who can't get vid recommendations for his own vids? That's just silly.

The important thing is to make sure Hazel will survive and won't have to be permanently imprinted in my body. I'm sure she'll much rather stick with the one she got. Me too - maybe my life doesn't suck as much, after all... Or whatever. I could always let Frida Kalho have my body, she wouldn't mind it after the hell she lived through with her last one. She could have babies, finally...

The spiritworld is in on this?

Is spirit posession catching? I have had some reoccuring dreams about Frida Kalho since I with my fellow Conspirits (The Others on this side) helped out some of The Others on the Other side... The Others are we who oppose the 'Grey' influences in the world, and stop teasing me for Greyphobia btw...
(This painting is one of Kalhos that I put a selfportrait of me into...)

...It is possible that Orpheus hoax that R prime-labs pulled took some inspiration from Eskil Rutsch. They have shown an interest in his work, Agent Orange informs us.
Rutsch invented the technology Conspirare used to techmagicaly free the spirits from their inprisonment. Rutsch is not an Conspirit, we used his technology, and he doesn't concider it to be magic eighter. (Mr. Rutsch please don't send me an looong offended letter saying I've inplied it... Please!! I beg of You!)

But all in the community of helpers seem to agree that the Orpheus thing was only a way to mislead people like Mr. Bertcci that his daughter Celia would be brought back form the dead and the lead is a diversion from the truth, that would set our little (AI-girl?) Hazel free...

In this post I will post some links if someone, probably totally in vane wants to research them. Maybe you have heard some of the Swedes in the chat mention Prosopopeia? And you just want to know more? I'm warning you it's not easy...
EVP/ERF
INSTRUMENTAL TRANSCOMMUNICATION
Momentum

Speculate about Toph's vids!

Boomer Or Bill Murray...
Scans from transmission 37
...is Toph trying tomake a pass at the gnome? (and the chair!)
...or is he in fact smitten with Dr. Rose?

That gnome-stuff...
I first thought Toph is just drunkenly making a pass at everybody and everything, real or imagination. So I 'used' it when making my 'drunken foreign exchange student' flirt-vid. I don't mean to offend anyone, especially not Swedish girls but he seems to me as a internetporn surfer that has never actually touched boobs and has fantasies about wimen around him so I ran with it. Also I was encoruaged in the MNEMA chat at lingr to play drunk.
Maybe I should've played Dr. Rose but I just can't do her justice! I know my limitations.

...But I'm kinda hoping the gnome conversation was him reinacting something, and that more vids will show him talking with himself and revealing even more stuff stuff from the past.

You can have my body.

I decided to actually get some sleep tonight, or it was not a decision as much as a necessity… I felt I was turning into a zombie. Anyhow I had much to catch up on at 6.00 this morning when I woke up. The chat was soaring with speculation and activity to get some vids out before uploading time at midnight. Not many had webcams with visual and time was running out. Luckily I had discussed the strategy before and after watching Tophs vids and talking briefly in the chat with the community of helpers, I pretty much impro the three vids, had no time to rehearse over and over. And btw I think that too much rehearsing takes the life out of the preformance... But the strategy was in accordance to what has been discussed on the chat and in the forum at R prime-lab for some days (and nights!) now. I'm afraid the last one with the Vulcan hand signal isn't gonna air so to speak, not enought recs. Hopfully it's enough that I showed 'his' Spock action figure. and threatened to slap it around with a herring. (Yes actionfigure not doll!)

(I'm kinda thinking Topher is very much like my first boyfriend. So there is where my inspiration comes when I'm improvising. CosmiC used to make me watch cultmovies and original Star Trek, I mean the very first episodes, and splatter... Evil dead, such things. CosmiC's fav quote was this Bladerunner one.)

I now have reason to believe that Hazel is an AI and I remember my pun on ‘save Hazel’ in the chat the other day, when I pointed out the double meaning, that is that saving can be downloading Hazel, too. The complete papers that are identical with the ones Hazel scanned in before imprinting Toph has been found on the web, it concerns the AI subject. Intriging! In a privat conversation I suggested in jest to Shev that we might need a Voight-Campf test and he sent me a test that can be fun to do instead, but take another test if you are Swedish.

I also volunteered to be imprinted with Hazels AI if her current body freezes to death in that container on a ship going… where? ‘Goth’eborg, Sweden, I hope. Or even better, Ume, Sweden. I seriously would imprint Toph if he really is dead and doesn't want to be, I like him... (Changed my premature opinion of him, yes I did) And let’s face it… I don’t have a life anyways…

I have started to call Topher 'Toph' today and now i realise... it's almost like Thot. Well the offer still stands, I'm all for donating my body to Gods, have done so before (drawn down the Godess)... But will my mistress Freia (or Sarakka the samis call her) be jealous?
During the Marika/Maria case I saw his hand in things concerning Prosop. and he might be the same as Metatron. It's all in there in Crowleys 777 I think... long time since I read it, not really my cup of tea that ritualmagic. Btw, I also suspect that mr Chidambar is Toth too, so don't take me to seriously in this. If it's Thot we will never know cuz he is a trickster, Loke in asirmyth. Hermes trigamestros, Mercury... He can't be caught...

Btw, Chidambar777 went missing and so did Crogun whom we conspirits belived was one of us but it was not! The mistery thickens...

The Player

There isn't much to gain
By living all the same way
The years just slip away
But it's too late then to play
If you live from day to day
You can play the game your own way
There's a million things to say
In a million places

For her it stays the same
Though a million towers have tumbled
And you can hear her pain
Voiced in a distant rumble
And when it starts to rain
All your monoliths will crumble
It's always been the same
Don't you feel a little bit humble?

She came up to me, she said:
'Wanna know a mistery?
There's a whole wide world for you to see
You're just a player in the game'
Well I've nothing left to say
Except take the time to ramble
In a million different ways
There's a million paths to travel

And when there's something in the way
Take your time please remember
There's hope yet in the rain
And a voice in distant thunder

The Levellers The Player

The quotes about memory and my reflections...

"It is singular how soon we lose the impression
of what ceases to be constantly before us.
A year impairs, a luster obliterates. There is
little distinct left without an effort of memory,
then indeed the lights are rekindled for a
moment -- but who can be sure that the
Imagination is not the torch-bearer?"
It's Lord Byron. "It is singular how soon we lose the impression
of what ceases to be constantly before us.
A year impairs, a luster obliterates. There is
little distinct left without an effort of memory,
then indeed the lights are rekindled for a
moment -- but who can be sure that the
Imagination is not the torch-bearer?"
It's Lord Byron.

Just a painting...

Fields of Gold is a painting I never managed to finish. I like it as it is. The mans face is impersonal, blank, detailed the tattooed hand pulling at his tie. I think this painting of mine relates to The Others fight against the Grey. Remembering, reqlaiming ones true deeply buried self from under all the obediance training surpressing it.

Confusing tv-shows with reality

I have to put it out there that people must have been very tired chatting tonight (I know I was) when they talk about carachters in the tvseries Dollhouse as if they were real and in realtime. The tvseries are based upon rumors and a 'Dollhouse' myth, see the thread in R prime-labs forum. If any of the Whedon fiction is close to what really happened, then at least the acter playing Topher and the acters playing in this tvseries isn't the actual people we are investigating - don't get confused about that...

Alfa and the rest can be out there, living normal lifes with false memories. Could be some of us in the loose knit 'community of helpers' that have been attracted to this case... To Hazel. We don't even know it ourselves yet! [I like this! It's very Philip K. Dick!]

On the other hand Hazels recent memories can be fake and she can be an active sent out from an actual Dollhouse existing right now. She is imprinted with Hazel-personality to find out more about something about the lab, the research... that they miss in the actual real Dollhouse (that the myth and the tv-show is based on) something that got lost when Dr. Rose disappeared, got wiped or whatever happened to her. In the tvseries the process has unsatisfactory failings. That can be a clue. Maybe the people behind the tv-series Dollhouse is on to something?
Lots of possibilitys are still open.

Metaphysical speculations

I pay close attention to celestial phenomena, and I have noticed that when Hazel stepped into the lab a penumbral eqlipse of the full moon was taking place, 9'th of February. This event when total is called 'Blood Moon' and 'Blood on the Moon' when partial.

I was (mis?)informed of a conjuction of three planets at 22'th of February: Mars, Jupiter and Mercury. I still am unsure what info to trust. But does it matter? It remains to be seen... Hazel has been adviced to imprint Topher wedge during this Sunday.
As I have stated several times, important events in the Marika/Maria case always coincided with celestial phenomena. If this is the case in this case too(and just Blood on the Moon is not enough to convince the positivists) then that would confirm that what takes place now is yet another battle with the spiritworld involved. Or at least people using it's powers for their own agenda... Like the Grey.
The new info thought is that there is a conjuction, but at February the 24'th. That is also the day of the Carnivale. So much the better.

Also at March the 8'th Saturn will be at its closest to Earth. Saturn Return also comes into play here... For Topher, who is 29 y. o.
(...and when talking about planets I can't help but mention that the 'community of helpers' mourned Plutos lost status as a planet in the chat.)

I feel I have to adress this some way, but I feel it is very hard to do so at the R prime-lab forum when almost everyone involved are researchers, many of which are positivists. I am not among peers. I get some support from fellow Conspirits, though. Not surprising when one ponders what we have been through together before, in facing the Grey, the 93, and dealing with posession.

talking about the Grey... there was just something in the chat with the nick Grai that said nothing, and the other day '93' did the same. 93 has appeared here and there, too. in 13's vid. in the chat: said nothing, and when I questioned its nick it just left intantly. as a jest I speculated that 93 was maybe here to take Celias soul back where it belongs. 13 is the number of Death, HE WHO SPEAKS WITH CAPS LOCKED THE WHOLE TIME...
...that's not what I said about the number 13 in the chat before. I'm shifty? no but the numbers do shift their meaning in different contexts. remember Freia is the head of the Valkyria aswell as godess of love.

Just to add to the list of suspicius things and especially numbers corresponding with the Marika/Maria case: CHIDAMBAR777. 777 beeing the suspicious number. Why would he choose that? Why has his company got this unpayed contract and why does he do so much, helping us for free? He posts even when not beeing asked any question, draws attention to himself/herself??? I'm thinking it could be Thot again. I always suspected Thot of helping Conspirare out but also confusing us (the trixter he is) back in the Marika/Maria days... I think I hear Thot giggling behind the Mr. Chidambar mask. And btw, it's Carnival time! Everybody in masks!

A calm day at R prime-lab

Nothing much has happened at R prime-lab yet today. It's still night in the US but anyhow, I don't expect it to be too lively today. Maybe the stir of newcomers asking for help in the forums, sending Hazel (honestly speaking) quite uninformed advice through vids... We must expect that some of those vids are going to merit reccomnedations high enough to be uploaded to the mobile lab and maybe cause confusion. Everybody gets one vote, no matter how long you have been working the case.
Maybe when it's closer in time to when the satellite link is up again, more of the familiar names are going to show up in the offsite chat... Because the next imprint requested by the highest rated recent vid (by Hack 2112) is asking for Hazel to upload Topher. I like what he's saying but not the tone of voice he uses towards Hazel, he sounds kinda condecending. And irritated when mentioning the gun, a point he's pressed before but not been obeyed at. I understand if she reacts with defience to that tone of voice. ...I would!

People in the chat has mentioned that tvshow Dollhouse again, that the last episode shed some light on Tophers profile. Since we don't get Dollhouse in Sweden, I'm anxious to fins out if I'm right about him. ...Not that I would judge anyone on how they are portrayed in a fictional tvproduction!
Many seem to want Topher to be on 'our' side because he feels like 'one of us' and they choose to ignore Dr. Roses assesment of him as beeing somewhat of a psychopath even. He views everything and everybody as a game. He himself is identifiying with a Mentat - that's from Herbert's Dune. They calculate without feelings much like human computors. I have tried to press this in chat yesterday. Soon enough we will find out?

What is 'our side' anyway? I'm not sure at all that we all have the same motivation in this. Some will play along with the majority to get votes on their vids but what do they really think? Sometimes I react badly to how they use words and diagnoses about people and I almost started a fight in the chat about it. It was bugging me how they seemed to be so convinced that doctors and their scientific tools are always right against the individual that nobody questioned Dr. Roses assessments of people. I was grateful when Daniel, defended and shared my wiev. I have a hard time expressing myself in a foreign language, as you can probably tell... :-)

Hm, I see now how my reasoning is flawed *giggle* I doubt Dr. Rose about Foxtrot beeing so antisocial but trust her (but mostly his own assessment of himself saying he's like a Mentat) when it comes to Topher...

Bring Brink Back!

Right now it's beeing discussed weather or not to make Hazel imprint Cristopher Brink right away. Some people reason that this would be too stressful for her. I think she should go ahead! I have this whole night to help now. But only this night.
And we do all so want to meet the much discussed Topher. If he isn't already among us... Some paranoia has been going on in the chat today, in jest for the most time?

But Hazel is very stressed out about she beeing Celia. Maybe her original 'antisocial' (Pippi Longstocking?) nature will resurface from all this confusion. And as much as she has the right to her own body, it would make things hard for us trying to help her... She would be like 11 y.o. still. Or maybe she would become an amalgam of all the imprints, totally schitzoid... Hope not...

Now I said I would make a survivalvid for Hazel. It's Agent K's message. Best go do that then...
Done! It was two. Cuz i forgot to say one thing, about saving cigarettes until she needs them to vanquish hunger. (Also Agent K's advice.) I just made that vid for Bertucci about not smoking, and now one for his daughter to smoke! Wierd...
Probably shouldn't drink so much beer right now. But it's Friday and I'm in Love! I'm falling for every intelligent nerd that show me an ounce of respect, girl or boy. I know I shouldn't party when a girl is starving in a containerlab on a ship out on the big dark ocean. She won't have a beer for some time, but if she doesn't follow Agent K's instructions in the vid's I made maybe she won't have one ever again... Imagine that for a sec.

Agent K shows us how tracking a sattelite is possible: http://www.n2yo.com/

Those vids are sure taking time...
Oh, I don't know if I can stay awake to see if anything else will happen tonight... My back hurts. Now it's been 24 hours since I sleept, I have to take a nap at least...

Agent Orange put me up to it...

I got an email from Agent Orange saying 'Something has awakened'.
'Something' was a satelliteuplink to a mobile lab and it revealed a girl trapped in the lab.
I found other Conspirits already involved and helping to figure out how to save her, so I jumped in. Presented myself: "I'm another Swedish Conspirit. A LIS drop-out. Inqisitive. Imaginative. Impulsive. And yeah; 'I'd rather be hiking'..."

started to research lots of things.
http://mchalepac.lcsc.k12.in.us/c-brink.html
1)his name is Christopher Brink and
2)he is born in 1981,
3)he's a trekkie
4)he's a selfproclaimed computor nerd
5)his email is lonegunner1701@hotmail.com. Tophers tattoo says 1701, too.
...well, I was barking up some of the wrong trees at the beginning? Nobody thinks it could be him. Strange tho' to find someone so simular...

...I feel for this girl Hazel even if I don't know if she's really a clone or there's some other kind of deception going on here. the info is that she's grown up in a fosterhome, as I have, and she has a fear of beeing shut in because they used to punish her that way when she was a child. also she tries to find out more about her biomum. I remember going through my bioparents appartment after they both passed, and what mystery! and angst.
I recorded a vid 4 Hazel, she asked us to tell us a little about ourselves and provide some entertainment. I showed her my geeky collectors items. I can just imagine how it feels to be trapped in there alone... But I think the one who got the vid was the Bertucci imprint. Maybe he thought I was his daughter Celia or something, the imprints are often very dizzy and in a suggestible state.

...To be honest my real motivation is my wish to really stick it to the Grey one more time! the bigger picture here is that they are, true to form, trying to take control.

More info at:
SEARCHME/Dollhouse Joss Whedon
Mnema R prime lab
What or time is it or Where?
The Company P
Lyssna!
Lyssna mer!

the end of Rain is the beginning of Snow

...and the beginning of ice. finally the cold has coressed the whole of Norrland. yesterday we went out on skates on the freshly laid ice, 20 - 40 mm thick, for the first time this season. It was clear as glass, a window almost as big as the lake, making the lake an aquarium. i laid down on the ice and peared down, looking for fish, but no luck. i only saw a bug swimming in and out of the foliage. Bearman was getting nervous when the whole sheet of ice resounded with his strides, but my swirles made no sound in the ice. i did not skate so close to the open water.
today snow fell, covering the big lake mirror. and so the beauty is hidden. this teaches us the necessity of catching the moment. do not prospone, nature does not wait until you have better time.

i really needed to be outside just now, too... since my bioparents i didn't know i had mysteriously passed away, and i was called by relatives i had to come and take what i wanted from their appartment... whoa. I mean, what strange appartment. the tv wasnt in any cannels, and there were lots of radios and electronical stuff and letters from some esoterical orden and dairy about mediating messages from the dead and stuff. And all clothes were in perfect staples like the appartment was a landscape. All glasses were on the table, filled up with water. it was like an installation. there were medicins also, dont know what they were but i guess my bioparent were psychotic or something. they sure smoked lots of cigarettes! I took the new stuff, vaccumcleaner and tv, but left all the old stuff it smelled so bad from nicotine.

fruit of the roses

in the dawn i picked the fruits of the roses in the Arboretum. the birds do not eat them, and if nobody picks them now, they will be spoiled by the nightfrost. last year the first snow fell on my birthday, but now no snow has fallen yet. no h2o-hexagons. in the morning i found the time to take out the itchy seeds and cook a marmelade from the rosefruit. it is rich in vitamin C and many other components that science can not even measure. it will do my imunnesystem good. i plan to pick hawthorn in the Arboretum today, drie them in the owen and use them for tea. it strenghtens the arteries and the heart.
i have been out picking cranberries for half a week. for every berry you see, there is thirty you do not see at first. it takes some patience, when the berries "hide" in the soft moss. hard not to get ones feet wet, too. but the smell of the forest is enchanting this time of year, and the air itself is fresh. one has tooo look out to not stay until darkness falls, as it comes sooner and sooner every evening now. it is not easy to find your way out of the forest with only moonlight to go by.
i have also picked some more rowanberries and put them on a string to dry. i will use them for seasoning food later, or musli.

Havtorn by Bottenhavet

when i was home me and my bear man went to our favourite beach in our sourroundings. this time of year it is not sprinkled with naturist bathers as it is in summer. they never respect the limitations of their area, and go galavanting in the nature protection area, flaunting their bodys and somtimes their lusts. this time of year naked seals lying on the beach is the only "hazard". once we happened to scare a cub that was sleeping. another time we found a dead seal rotting there. and once, the whole beach was covered in white swan fethers. i gathered them but my bear man was worried about bird influenza.
but back to this time. we came to pick Havtorn. the name means sea-thorns. the berries are hard to pick because you need to cut them from the branches one by one or with scissors. what we had not forseen was the mosquitos. this time of year they are usually not a problem. we gave up pretty soon. the crows had ate our cookies by then, too, leaving us an empthy package. we descided to take a long walk because we had never seen such good weather and beautiful sky on our beach. the sea was still, there was a big bloodred sun licking the horizon.
a couple of days later i cooked jelly of the havtorn and rowanberries. nice to have to meat but also for seasoning smoothies with banana base, as i discovered today. now i am back in Ume for eighteen days, before i can take the train going home again. the weather now is typically fallish, autumnish, yellow leaves, mist and wind. friday i hope will be cold and clear, in that case i will take a trip to my cranberry place to pick some. this fall has been all about berries, last summer was all about herbs. i wonder what my next learningproject will be? bear man is learning to build ecological houses. i guess we just complete eachother.
i have read "Dinas Bok" trough now. i DID like it, and i DO understand why it was recommended to me. just like Dina in the book, i want to do only what i myself choose, but for me the price is not peoples lives, even if i would rather die than live a lie. Dina is very sexual, and she has some spiritual powers. she holds her own masses under the moon.
another book i recently finished was Mikael Niemis "Kyrkdjävulen" (The Curchdevil). he is a noted author from my home, and was awarded many prices for his book that i belive was translated into many different languages and is a movie too:"Popular Music form Vittula". i love his books. when i visited my home a woman asked me if i would not be the female Mikael Niemi of our town some day. that was high expectations...! Mikael Niemi once read and commented my poems, and he said: continue writing. oki, i am! he also said i should not write my poems in english. i need to work on that bit.

bringing in the bounty of nature

to my surprise the whole corridore in my dorm wanted to come out to pick berries and mushrooms one sunday. i was lucky enough to find a whole lot of tasty mushrooms, i have dried them for storing. i have still to pick rowanberries, cranberries and a few things more, those orange berries that grow by the sea on bushes that you need to cut off with small scissors, Havtorn we call them. i regret that i did not get more of the white, honeysmelling blossoms that cure pain and fever. it makes such great tea! i have no idea what the toadstools shall be good for, Pan knows i have not the guts to try them out.
my bear man came up to visit for four days. one day we were by a lake in an old forest, and found this great place to pick cranberries, but i prefer to return when they have frozen up really good. we liked the place so much that we returned in the evening with an initial plan to sleep there, but the windy weather detered us. the starlit sky was beautifoul and we even saw a spectacular northen lights. the swans in the lake were wery upset by our torchlight when we first arrived. we made a fire and cooked sausages over it.
it is frustrating to be bound inside these University walls, i feel totally cold towards the things i have to learn. uninspired. and dying inside. it is also pure death to be away from my love. i am cut in half... will i manage? or shall i give up? and then what? I regret ever starting this, taking loans. it was the first step towards slavery. but it has also made me realise how worthless higher education is, something i did not belive before.
so much of it is exactly like those giant stone heads that the people that used to live on the so called Easter island used to make, that made them use up all the natural recources which led directly to their own extinction. that is what LIS is.
on the upside, i will take the nighttrain home tomorrow. and then i will see the face of my beloved again. it almost feels like i will not have peace of mind until that hour.